I sat watching him from across the room. The focus and determination was visible to even a 4th grader. He was smart, and I knew it. “I want to be just like him”; isn’t that what every kid thinks? The deep desire to be just like “big brother”. If only I could be as smart as big brother, as tall as big brother, as strong as big brother, as fast as big brother, as funny as big brother, as nice as big brother, if only, I will succeed at life.
Brother sat in an office chair with calculator at hand and a full page of writing. “A whole page for one problem, sister!” He was amazing in my mind. I was struggling through my 4th grade math even while resorting to cheating as a “means for survival”; nevertheless, brother could take a complex question and work step after step to form a simple statement most could understand. This, however, wasn’t the most amazing reality for my 4th grade mind to perceive.
He wrote in PEN! No eraser to save the day. Once the ink pressed against the page leaving its stain nothing was going to make it disappear. How could this be? I wanted to use a pen. I wanted to leave an imprint which would be permanent; more than anything I wanted to be just like big brother, so smart I wouldn’t need to erase my work. Just. Like. Big. Brother.
“Why can’t I use a pen?”
“You can use a pen when you get older, sister.”
I used a pen when I got older. My lessons will never look like his, however. Lots of x’s and scribbles, but I left my ink. I realized everything I do in this world is done with ink. My every move and every decision is permanent. Even after I, a uniquely designed pen, no longer write on this beautiful world, my ink will remain. What color will I write with? What kind of pen will I be? Where am I supposed to write?
I want to write in all colors. If the little child sitting on the curb loves blue, I want to “write” all over their life with blue. If the woman in the store needs red, I pray God would fill me and enable me to “write” red into her life.
I want to be a dual pen; a “nerd pen” as my mother calls it. Multiple colors ready to go. Flexible, capable, and prepared to write colors that God has uniquely placed in me for specific people.
What color will you write?
What kind of pen are you?
Where are you going to leave your ink?
Precious savior, I pray that you would equip me with your beautiful colors. I pray you would equip me to relate to everyone. I pray that I, a pen uniquely designed and held by you, would be capable of loving the world. I pray that my writing shows love to everyone regardless of social, mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual status.